Today the Willy Wag Tail Told Me
My grief was not supposed to be part of this blog, but a moment today pushes me to write. I know that coping with chronic illness can go hand in hand with feelings of hopelessness and defeat. Currently I am supposed to be doing another calprotectin test. I met with another new GP who agreed given my recent symptoms it warranted a test. She was reassuring and told me my experience was valid, that I was allowed to feel my feelings and that yes I should attend that monthly support meeting despite feeling I might not belong there being mild Crohn's. Fast forward to today and the feeling of utter hopelessness and raw grief raise their ugly heads again. It is not the first time in the last two and a half years I have felt that I would prefer to be dead. It is not even about the Crohns but really about the fact that I can't escape the stress of family and marriage that seems to exacerbate my symptoms. They tell you to stress less for the sake of the disease! Well how the fuck are you...